What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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