we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
