Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
