It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
