he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
