Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
