I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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