After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm passing your future prison.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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