Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
