so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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