dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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