Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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