Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
