from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize