And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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