I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
PANTIES FOUND
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
