I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
