How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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