matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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