Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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