great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
