Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
