I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
