3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
