Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
