is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
