Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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