I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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