i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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