suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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