Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
