Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His hands were made for my vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
