The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
