some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
