If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
