it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Boobs are out for the taking
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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