so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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