Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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