when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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