Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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