its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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