Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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