I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
