You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
