I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
