Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
