Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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