I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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