Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
