Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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