Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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