So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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