do herpes really smell.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
