I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
