$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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