Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
