ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
