There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
