I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
