I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
