I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
