i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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