If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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