he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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