Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
