i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
