There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
