Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
