I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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