I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
