Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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