I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
