remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
