McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
