Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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