He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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